The art of becoming: Motherhood and Leadership

At a bakery this Mother’s Day morning, the cashier wished the man in front of me a happy Mother’s Day. He paused, then replied simply, "I had to be my own mother."

That exchange stayed with me. Good for him. On a day usually reserved for cards and brunch, it shifted my perspective toward a different kind of leadership.

Redefining Lead

Most people view leadership as mobilization—organizing the masses to achieve a specific goal. We think of it as persuasion: Buy this product. Vote this way. Go where I tell you. Do what I need you to do.

To be honest, I’ve never been particularly interested in that kind of leadership. But there is another version—one I find profoundly important and strive toward every day: The leadership of helping someone "become."

The Peony Metaphor

My mother brought home a bouquet of peonies the other day. When they arrive, they are tight, golf-ball-sized buds—spherical and unassuming. Then, they begin to bloom.

They bloom, and bloom, and bloom. Even after they drop a heap of petals onto the table below the vase, the center is still reaching, still opening. They don't just "flower"; they undergo a process of unfolding.

Motherhood is a form of leadership that supports this unfolding.

Babies become children. Children become teenagers. Teenagers become young adults.

We often make the mistake of thinking that "becoming" ends at adulthood. It doesn't. We continue to evolve into ourselves until the day we die.

Being Your Own Mother

At some point, we all have to become our own mother. Even the most present, loving parent cannot meet every nuanced need of a complicated, unique, mysterious child. As adults, the work of continuing to "grow ourselves up" falls to us. We must learn to honor what we lacked as children and find ways to provide it for ourselves as adults.

In the world of spiritual care, this can be thought of as formation—much like a potter shaping a piece of clay.

The Leader as a Gardener

The best leaders are those who never stop their own formation. They continue to grow so they can reach their own potential and so they can see the potential in their people. They help themselves and others become more mature, authentic, and expansive individuals.

True leadership isn't about control; it’s about setting the stage for growth. It’s about creating an environment where people feel safe enough to bloom into their own wild, surprising, and brilliant selves.

Which "stage" of your own blooming are you currently navigating?